Emotions are a funny thing. You hear people say things such as, "that was hilarious, I needed a good laugh." Then the same person might say at a later time, "I need a good cry." I'm not going to get into any kind of biological, physiological, hormonal explanations about emotions. Basically because I wouldn't have a clue of what I was talking about. I do, however, know that I want to be moved. I find myself watching YouTube and being drawn to the "tug at your heartstrings" videos. Sometimes we even find ourselves watching video of terrible disasters just because the story is so "moving". Why do you think the news leads off so often with a tear-jerking story? It's moving and they know that is what will keep the watching public on their channel. So as we've been in this adoption journey, I've been thinking a lot about being moved. But in a slightly different way. Yes, there is certainly emotion in it, but I'm being drawn to move closer to God. I find myself asking God where He wants me. I want to be moved, but moved to act in accordance to what He wants of me. When you get down to it, I think that is the whole reason that I finally jumped on board with this adoption. And quite frankly, I believe it BETTER be the reason I'm on board. Because if it was just emotional.....well, we've got problems.
Think about this for a moment. Have you ever bought a sports car because the commercial made it look so captivating that you just had to have it? How about a vacation? Ever go to Florida because your friends went to Florida and they made the beaches sound so awesome that you just had to experience it for yourself? Were you still happy with the sports car after you had it awhile? What about after filling the tank with gas far too often because of the low mileage? And the vacation. Oftentimes we have a great time, but sometimes we find ourselves thinking, "this isn't as good as our friends made it sound and it was awfully expensive. Maybe this was a mistake." You see, emotions sometimes lead us to poor decisions. Ever eat a gallon of ice cream to emotionally handle a heartbreak? You see my point.
So in our adoption, when I say I want to be moved it is to be moved by the One that created me to have these feelings to begin with. That is a movement that I want to trust, not my own hormonal reactions. Now, here's where it gets tricky. I believe we can be moved to do wonderful things, but I find myself being very confused by the fact that we have to be SO moved to act. Let me ask you a few questions: If your brother or sister and their spouse were terribly taken from this world in an accident and left behind a young child, would you take them in? What if it was a close neighbor that perished with no other family around, would you take that child? How about someone in the community that was in a tragic car wreck, the whole town talked about it, and the child had no place to go at all? Would you offer them a room and a loving family? How about an earthquake in a totally different country that destroys villages, homes, orphanages? If the children from those orphanages are displaced with nowhere to turn, would you step up and say, "that's terrible. Yes, we can help. We'll come to their aid"? I'm guessing most, if not all of you answered yes to at least one of these questions. I know that many people joined in when the word was going around about children needing homes after the terrible earthquakes in Haiti. So many people were willing to come to their aid. They had seen the devastation on TV and on the internet. It was terrible. It was so......emotional. So why does it take the media blitz of a tragedy, or something that is more "personal" and hits home to make us act? What, you think it's not tragic enough that 165 million children in the world don't have a family? Children world wide are longing for someone, anyone, to hold them at night and tell them that they love them. I know that my children sometimes have bad dreams. It completely tears my heart out to think about a child waking up with a bad dream, only to discover that the bad dream is based on the reality of their own life, and not having anyone to come sit with them on their bed and tell them it's going to be alright. Is that in the news papers? Nope. Do we see it on the evening news? Nah, it's not "moving" enough. It's an everyday occurence in all corners of the world. Nothing special about that story. Wake Up People!!! If being without a family or homeless or abandoned or neglected as children is not tragic enough for you then we are in a sad, sad state.
Now please here me, I am not judging. I struggle all the time with doing the right thing, doing enough, following God's call. It's not easy. But how can we know about these tragedies and turn our heads and do nothing? 165 million seems awfully overwhelming. Surely I can't make a difference. That would be like trying to put out a forest fire with a squirt gun. But if not me, then who? If not you....who? Who will step up and say, "you know, I really meant it when I said I'd take in a child after the earthquake. So if that didn't play out, maybe we can take in another child that just as desperately needs a home." Dozens, hundreds, maybe thousands of people responded to the urgency of the situation after the earthquake. What if we go ahead and act, not waiting on another tragedy? If we follow God's command to care for orphans and then ask God how to spread that truth to others, how long before the orphan crisis is gone? 165 million....that's a large number. But I'm a math guy, so let's break it down. If I adopt and it get's two others to adopt. And they get two each to adopt and so on and so on, then after a series of 15 relational connections, over 16,000 children would be adopted. That's the power of God's word spreading through his family of believers. Can we make a difference? You bet we can. We just have to start. Every mile ever run began with a single step. Every building ever built starts with a single shovel to break ground. So how do we start? That all depends. The real question is....what's moving you?
Monday, March 12, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Struggles and Blessings and Friends....Oh My!!
We are currently in the waiting phase of our adoption. There isn't anything wrong with waiting and it certainly is no criticism of the process, but sometimes waiting is hard. There is a John Waller song called "While I'm Waiting" that says "While I'm Waiting....I will serve you." Tonight was an opportunity to serve God and we are so blessed and amazed at how it all turned out. But let me back up just a bit and tell you how the latter part of the week went. It was a struggle. We drove to a town about 25 miles north of us to get a TV antenna. You see, one of the things that God has been saying to us during this journey is that we have too much stuff. We are addicted to shows that make us lose our minds while we're watching them. We walk in the door and gravitate toward the TV. All too often, our family time is spent together in front of hundreds of channel options (most of which really aren't worth the time). So we feel that we need to downsize our lives a bit and we are cancelling our cable subscription. Yep....me...Mr. Sports Nut will no longer have ESPN. This fact has troubled our son tremendously. But what are we teaching our children about having idols before God when it is clear that the TV is an idol in our own home? It's time to stop. We got an antenna so that we can get just the few local stations like we had when I was growing up. Funny, I don't recall feeling like I was deprived back then. Half a dozen channels seemed like plenty to me. So here's where the struggles of the week started. Driving home, something in the car kinda snapped. The steering wheel, which had formerly been pointed straight up at 12 o'clock, was now pointing at 10:00 o'clock and we were still driving forward. Then the car began to pull all over the road and it was really difficult to keep it steady, even at 40 mph. All the way home, I heard the cash register in my head and feared the worst. Would we fix this car? Would we have to buy a new one? We can't get a new one right now, not with everything else. It won't be looked at until Tuesday, but I went to bed that night with the problem running through my head.
The next day, we talked about some medical bills that had come up unexpectedly. (This started the cash register chiming in my head again.) And then, I had picked up a couple pieces of mail at home and opened them in the afternoon. One was the water bill. It was 4 times its usual amount. I called the water company and they informed me that the meter reader had noticed that our meter was "spinning like crazy. You obviously have a leak somewhere." Gee, thanks for letting us know. I was getting overwhelmed. Everything was falling apart in the span of about 20 hours and I couldn't take it. I went home to try to find the source of the leak, but I felt sick. The old feelings of inadequacy from past financial issues was beginning to rise up inside of me. In my head, I heard a saying that I've heard from others...God will not give you more than you can handle. Usually, it is followed by someone saying "God, I wish you didn't have so much faith in me to handle all of this." Well you know what? That saying is wrong. Dead wrong. I think it may come from the book of 1 Corinthians where Paul tells us that God "will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." Sounds similar, but dealing with temptations and dealing with misfortunes is two different things. I definitely believe that we sometimes get more than we can handle. This week I felt like it was more than I could handle. But you know the glory of it all? It is never...I repeat NE-VER more than what God can handle. He knows what we are going through. He doesn't expect us to do it alone. Not that we should sit back and be slugs and do nothing, but what we do is in His strength, not ours. So I was able to go to bed last night much more at ease just waiting to see how God was going to work. That takes care of the "struggles" part of the week. Tonight, God rewarded us for having faith through the struggles by blessing us immensley through the freinds that He has put in our paths.
Michelle and some friends put together a fund raiser. We were selling necklaces and books to help our adoption and to support Amazima, an organization founded by Katie Davis. She is the young girl I've written about before that now lives in Uganda and ministers to the people there. She is also supported by 147 million orphans, an organization that we have partnered with. We partnered with them to help raise funds for our adoption by selling t-shirts, the necklaces, the books and other items. Yes, this was to help raise funds for our adoption...at least that was the only intention when we first contacted them a few months ago. But this family of adoption, and orphans, and children in need around the world has really started to grow on us. We had so many people come to the event tonight that just have a heart for children and wanted to help in any way they could. At one point, I was talking with one of the ladies that helped organize it. She saw the table of merchandise that was much smaller from all of the sales and commented, "looks like tonight has been a success." I looked at the table, and found myself telling her, "yes, it has gone well and I'm happy we were able to raise some money. But it's strange. This adoption has become so much bigger than us. It's not about our adoption anymore." Don't get me wrong, we are very excited to bring our child home. But it needs to go so much further. I feel burdened for all of the children that we can't help and we just have to find a way to get the word out and put that passion into the hearts of others. Our friend looked at me and smiled. "I know. I can see the passion that you have and I read it in your blogs. God will do great things." So tonight, we were blessed beyond belief. Blessed by God through our friends, and their friends, and friends of friends.... It was a wonderful evening and a great end to what would otherwise have been a difficult week. Struggles and Blessings and Friends. God puts them all in our path. It's how we deal with them and how we allow God to work through them that matters. Does God allow more than we can handle? I believe that He does. But He's a big God. Bigger than a busted car, bigger than a leaky pipe....and yes, He is bigger than millions of orphans. I know He is stirring in the hearts of others. Are you allow Him to stir in your heart? Are you listening? What's holding you back? Money?...God is bigger. Fear?...God is Bigger. Selfishness?....God is Bigger. I'm learning new each day how much my God is bigger than my circumstances and He blesses me over and over in the process. Be blessed my friends. Be blessed by our big God.
The next day, we talked about some medical bills that had come up unexpectedly. (This started the cash register chiming in my head again.) And then, I had picked up a couple pieces of mail at home and opened them in the afternoon. One was the water bill. It was 4 times its usual amount. I called the water company and they informed me that the meter reader had noticed that our meter was "spinning like crazy. You obviously have a leak somewhere." Gee, thanks for letting us know. I was getting overwhelmed. Everything was falling apart in the span of about 20 hours and I couldn't take it. I went home to try to find the source of the leak, but I felt sick. The old feelings of inadequacy from past financial issues was beginning to rise up inside of me. In my head, I heard a saying that I've heard from others...God will not give you more than you can handle. Usually, it is followed by someone saying "God, I wish you didn't have so much faith in me to handle all of this." Well you know what? That saying is wrong. Dead wrong. I think it may come from the book of 1 Corinthians where Paul tells us that God "will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." Sounds similar, but dealing with temptations and dealing with misfortunes is two different things. I definitely believe that we sometimes get more than we can handle. This week I felt like it was more than I could handle. But you know the glory of it all? It is never...I repeat NE-VER more than what God can handle. He knows what we are going through. He doesn't expect us to do it alone. Not that we should sit back and be slugs and do nothing, but what we do is in His strength, not ours. So I was able to go to bed last night much more at ease just waiting to see how God was going to work. That takes care of the "struggles" part of the week. Tonight, God rewarded us for having faith through the struggles by blessing us immensley through the freinds that He has put in our paths.
Michelle and some friends put together a fund raiser. We were selling necklaces and books to help our adoption and to support Amazima, an organization founded by Katie Davis. She is the young girl I've written about before that now lives in Uganda and ministers to the people there. She is also supported by 147 million orphans, an organization that we have partnered with. We partnered with them to help raise funds for our adoption by selling t-shirts, the necklaces, the books and other items. Yes, this was to help raise funds for our adoption...at least that was the only intention when we first contacted them a few months ago. But this family of adoption, and orphans, and children in need around the world has really started to grow on us. We had so many people come to the event tonight that just have a heart for children and wanted to help in any way they could. At one point, I was talking with one of the ladies that helped organize it. She saw the table of merchandise that was much smaller from all of the sales and commented, "looks like tonight has been a success." I looked at the table, and found myself telling her, "yes, it has gone well and I'm happy we were able to raise some money. But it's strange. This adoption has become so much bigger than us. It's not about our adoption anymore." Don't get me wrong, we are very excited to bring our child home. But it needs to go so much further. I feel burdened for all of the children that we can't help and we just have to find a way to get the word out and put that passion into the hearts of others. Our friend looked at me and smiled. "I know. I can see the passion that you have and I read it in your blogs. God will do great things." So tonight, we were blessed beyond belief. Blessed by God through our friends, and their friends, and friends of friends.... It was a wonderful evening and a great end to what would otherwise have been a difficult week. Struggles and Blessings and Friends. God puts them all in our path. It's how we deal with them and how we allow God to work through them that matters. Does God allow more than we can handle? I believe that He does. But He's a big God. Bigger than a busted car, bigger than a leaky pipe....and yes, He is bigger than millions of orphans. I know He is stirring in the hearts of others. Are you allow Him to stir in your heart? Are you listening? What's holding you back? Money?...God is bigger. Fear?...God is Bigger. Selfishness?....God is Bigger. I'm learning new each day how much my God is bigger than my circumstances and He blesses me over and over in the process. Be blessed my friends. Be blessed by our big God.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Be Still...
Well, here's where we are in the process. We have all of the paperwork done that needs to be done in the US. We put all of that paperwork together in one packet which is known as the dossier. That dossier has been sent to the country where our child is. Now....we wait. And it's hard. We feel there is so much we could be doing. But we continue to wait. There is no reason at all to wonder or worry about whether or not everything will be "accepted", but still the anticipation of getting that call that tells us when we can go to meet our child is hard. Remember being ten years old and having a birthday coming up? We used to count down the days....2 more weeks....1 more week....5 more days....2 more days... I think we made it harder on ourselves by wishing so badly that the time was here. It's like with expectant mothers. Perhaps your actual due date is still weeks, even months away. But when you have a dr. appointment where you know you will have the first ultra-sound and it will be the first time that you hear your child's heart beat, it's a hard wait. I can't wait to give my child a hug and hear his heart beat against mine for the first time. I'm ready. I want to go now. Fortunately we do have some things we can do in the meantime. We do still have funds to raise. (Perfect time to mention the 147 million link on this blog's home page to help with our fundraiser). But even with that, it's not getting us to our child. As I sit and realize how hard it is to wait, I can't help but think about Psalm 46:10. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Now I have no problem knowing that He is God. And what's neat about the latter part of this verse is that He will be exalted among the nations. Multiple nations. In our case, we will exalt Him here in the United States and we will exalt him in southeastern Europe when He takes us to our child. That's really cool. I know that Michelle and I can't do this ourselves and that God is doing this. God is making a way for these children. God is making a way for our child. He is a loving enough God that He is bringing us along for the ride. He is gracious enough to give us HIS child. So we are waiting for God's child to come into our home so that we may raise him to know God more intimately. To know the very one that created us and brought us out of our own seclusions and became our Father. To that glorious end, I think I can wait. But "be still"?....c'mon. I can't be still. My mind is always racing about what I need to do next. What's the next step? What should we do to prepare to travel? Is the room ready for another child? How will we introduce this child to our family and friends? Do the schools know that we are bringing another child into this community? Will he learn English quickly enough to be at his age appropriate grade level or will he need to take a step back to have time to learn? So many things to think about and to prepare to.....WHOA. Easy Tony.....Be Still. Ok, Lord. I hear you. I know the verse. Be Still. But how does sitting around doing nothing and acknowledging that you are who you say you are get anything accomplished? Be still. Really? Just give me something to do. Well, I would imagine that many of you have had similar thoughts when you've faced a tough decision or you've prayed about something and have not yet gotten an answer. How do you just be still? I did a little digging and found that the Hebrew word that we translate as "Be Still" is rapah. Rapah does mean to be still, but as such to abandon or to stop. It's like God is saying, "Stop!!! Enough!!!" "Give it a rest already." Here is what I hear God saying to me; "Look, I've got this. You've done your part. All I ever asked of you was to be willing and to follow the steps laid out before you. I've got the rest. Actually, I've had it all the whole way. I gave Michelle this vision long before you were ready for it. I brought you along slowly, even allowed you to have doubts, so that when you jumped it would be with both feet. I closed doors that you THOUGHT you wanted to walk through, just to bring you to where I wanted you and gave you the heart and passion to want it as well. I've orchestrated everything. When you went to get your fingerprints and you had a cut on your finger to where they said you would probably have to reschedule, and how they gave it a try but didn't hold out much hope that the computer would read the print, and how it came out perfectly on the first try and they said 'wow, that worked so much better than I imagined'....you really think that was YOU? C'mon Tony. Relax. I've got this." Wow, thank you Lord. Thank you for reminding me that I am your servant and that this entire process is not about me. So I will wait. In the stillness...in the abandonment of my anxiety...I hear God telling me to delve into His word. To be as into Him as I can be so that I can be into my children the way that a father should be. Why do I need to spend more time with God during this journey? Because I want our child here with us. Because I want our biological children to grow in their love and their knowledge of God. And if that's what I want, I need to get as close to Him as I can to allow Him to do that for me. Psalm 37:4, "Rejoice in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." I'm learing that as my heart desires Him...and Him only...that He will then give me that which pleases me as it brings honor to Him...fatherhood. Be Still? I won't be idle, but I will relax. "Relax", He says, "I've got this. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. You won't believe how it will all come together!!!" Actually Lord, I DO believe. Thank you for giving us the unwarranted priviledge to love your children and to see you at work.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Gloriously Mad!!!
So, what in the world kind of title for a blog post is "Gloriously Mad"? Well, let me tell you. It goes way back to my reluctancy to become an adoptive parent. I think I've mentioned before that I came up with every excuse not to adopt. I used financial arguments. I used space in our home arguments. I used the busy-ness of life arguments. Whatever it was, I had a reason why it wasn't going to work for our family. Now, in May of last year we made the decision to begin the process. But even after that, I was having a hard time wrapping my mind around the whole picture. Michelle began to show me some pictures of children that were available to adopt. Through looking at the pictures, it made the process more real but they were still just pictures. It was moving to see the need, but it was not personal.
So on October 1st, I attended a conference with Michelle in Indianapolis put on by our agency. Michelle had attended the day before and she was pretty excited. I went in with cautious optimism. Optimistic because I knew this was the process that God had called us to...but cautious because it was still hard to just "put myself out there" and be totally vulnerable. Vulnerable to the needs...vulnerable to my heart...vulnerable to God's will. I know now that there is more comfort in being in God's will than one could ever know, but at the time the control-freak in me did not want to give up my handle on the situation. (Ha, some handle. I was clueless, was a basket-case emotionally, and would argue both sides of a topic which just added to my own confusion). During this conference, we met Carolyn Twietmeyer. Carolyn is the founder and director of Project Hopeful, an organization with a mission to educate, encourage, and enable families and individuals to advocate for and adopt children with HIV/AIDS. I had the privilege of speaking with her husband, Kiel for a while. What a man with a heart and passion for God. He brought out the passion in me as well. Carolyn shared their experience with the group during lunch. They are a family of 16 with 7 biological children and 7 adopted children. I'm fairly certain that if you looked in the dictionary under the term "passion for adoption", you would see a picture of Carolyn. Their story is very inspiring and moving. I truly believe that God was at this conference. And I'm not sure, but I think He was looking for me there. Remember the pictures of the children I was talking about? You know, the ones that were just "pictures"? I looked at them again, and I began to wonder if any of them could be our child. Hmmm, it was starting to get personal.
The conference was a wonderful teaching tool for adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, or anyone that was just intrigued by the idea. There were many classes to attend with key speakers that had vast knowledge of the given subject. In one of those classes we met Amy Moore. Amy works for the agency that we are using but Michelle and I had not yet had the opportunity to meet her. She is an adoptive parent and had shared her own struggles with the idea, the process, the transition and so on. But she would not change a thing. In fact, it was through her adoption that God pointed out to her a passion that I gathered she did not realize that she had. People would ask her, "why would you want to adopt a child internationally"? She tried to give answers that people would understand. She tried to "reason" with people that quite honestly might not have been able to be reasoned with. She gave statistics and facts and thoughts and feelings and then, after being asked the question again she, gave her best answer...."Why Not!!!!"
Why not? Why not adopt? God, why don't people adopt? Why not us? Why not you? Suddenly, with two little words I started looking at the whole thing differently. Scripture started flowing through my head. James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress". Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows". Matthew 18:5 "and anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me". These aren't cute little sayings. They aren't even flippant suggestions. These are commands from God in His Holy Word.
Suddenly, every one of my excuses for why we couldn't do it were destroyed. We don't have the finances to adopt. WHY NOT? Because we want our 500 cable channels more than a child needs a home? Because my high-speed internet and my smart phone bill and my car payment and my gym membership are all more important to me than a human life?
We don't have the room for another child in our house. WHY NOT? Because the clothes that our kids have now won't all cram into a smaller space while children around the world are lucky to have the clothes on their backs, let alone a different shirt to change into? Because it would be a little crowded for one of our kids to share a room while in Africa a family of 14 shares a one room hut for living, dining, and sleeping?
We don't have time in our lives for another child. WHY NOT? Because we are so selfish with our biological children that we would rather pursue whole-heartedly their material wants rather than to show them what a Godly love for mankind looks like? I have to admit, this last one has been hard. I love my children and want to give them everything. But I'm learning that "giving them everything" is starting to look more and more like "giving" them nothing and instead just loving them, sharing the needs of the world, talking about their relationship with Jesus Christ. Yes, those two words hit my ears and God said, "Aha. That's it". (As if He was shocked.. HA!) He knew why He had me there. Suddenly I felt embarrassed for all of my past excuses. Suddenly, my head finally caught up with my heart. Instead of thinking "logically", I began thinking with compassion. I allowed myself to fully feel what I had been supressing for so long. All of the emotion that I had kept bottled up was pouring out. And I was mad. Gloriously mad. No more excuses because they couldn't hold water any longer. It made me mad. No more reasons to be able to keep my emotions in check. It made me mad. No more being sentimental about the plight of the orphan but never being personal about the plight of OUR orphan. Oh, I was mad. Gloriously mad. God had opened my eyes to all of my past....yuck. And I was done with it. "Honey, we need to go over their and get our child. Whatever we need to do, rush the paperwork, call somebody, whatever. Our child is there." Suddenly the urgency set in.
Today, instead of spending my time worrying about bills, or time, or deadlines...I find myself thinking about our child. And about other children. Worldwide. There is an epidemic out there. I had always thought that once we get our child home we would just be a "normal" family raising three young children instead of two. We'll adapt. We'll blend in. Things will get back to normal. I no longer feel that way, because I know that as long as there are children in the world that need a forever family that Michelle and I will not be able to be complacent. We will work diligently to follow God's call on our lives to educate and bring awareness to this problem! Will we spread the word to others and share our experiences and passions so that more children might find their forever families?...Why not? Will we adopt again ourselves?...Who knows, but why not?
So I guess that just leaves one last question.......What's your "Why Not?"
So on October 1st, I attended a conference with Michelle in Indianapolis put on by our agency. Michelle had attended the day before and she was pretty excited. I went in with cautious optimism. Optimistic because I knew this was the process that God had called us to...but cautious because it was still hard to just "put myself out there" and be totally vulnerable. Vulnerable to the needs...vulnerable to my heart...vulnerable to God's will. I know now that there is more comfort in being in God's will than one could ever know, but at the time the control-freak in me did not want to give up my handle on the situation. (Ha, some handle. I was clueless, was a basket-case emotionally, and would argue both sides of a topic which just added to my own confusion). During this conference, we met Carolyn Twietmeyer. Carolyn is the founder and director of Project Hopeful, an organization with a mission to educate, encourage, and enable families and individuals to advocate for and adopt children with HIV/AIDS. I had the privilege of speaking with her husband, Kiel for a while. What a man with a heart and passion for God. He brought out the passion in me as well. Carolyn shared their experience with the group during lunch. They are a family of 16 with 7 biological children and 7 adopted children. I'm fairly certain that if you looked in the dictionary under the term "passion for adoption", you would see a picture of Carolyn. Their story is very inspiring and moving. I truly believe that God was at this conference. And I'm not sure, but I think He was looking for me there. Remember the pictures of the children I was talking about? You know, the ones that were just "pictures"? I looked at them again, and I began to wonder if any of them could be our child. Hmmm, it was starting to get personal.
The conference was a wonderful teaching tool for adoptive parents, prospective adoptive parents, or anyone that was just intrigued by the idea. There were many classes to attend with key speakers that had vast knowledge of the given subject. In one of those classes we met Amy Moore. Amy works for the agency that we are using but Michelle and I had not yet had the opportunity to meet her. She is an adoptive parent and had shared her own struggles with the idea, the process, the transition and so on. But she would not change a thing. In fact, it was through her adoption that God pointed out to her a passion that I gathered she did not realize that she had. People would ask her, "why would you want to adopt a child internationally"? She tried to give answers that people would understand. She tried to "reason" with people that quite honestly might not have been able to be reasoned with. She gave statistics and facts and thoughts and feelings and then, after being asked the question again she, gave her best answer...."Why Not!!!!"
Why not? Why not adopt? God, why don't people adopt? Why not us? Why not you? Suddenly, with two little words I started looking at the whole thing differently. Scripture started flowing through my head. James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress". Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows". Matthew 18:5 "and anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me". These aren't cute little sayings. They aren't even flippant suggestions. These are commands from God in His Holy Word.
Suddenly, every one of my excuses for why we couldn't do it were destroyed. We don't have the finances to adopt. WHY NOT? Because we want our 500 cable channels more than a child needs a home? Because my high-speed internet and my smart phone bill and my car payment and my gym membership are all more important to me than a human life?
We don't have the room for another child in our house. WHY NOT? Because the clothes that our kids have now won't all cram into a smaller space while children around the world are lucky to have the clothes on their backs, let alone a different shirt to change into? Because it would be a little crowded for one of our kids to share a room while in Africa a family of 14 shares a one room hut for living, dining, and sleeping?
We don't have time in our lives for another child. WHY NOT? Because we are so selfish with our biological children that we would rather pursue whole-heartedly their material wants rather than to show them what a Godly love for mankind looks like? I have to admit, this last one has been hard. I love my children and want to give them everything. But I'm learning that "giving them everything" is starting to look more and more like "giving" them nothing and instead just loving them, sharing the needs of the world, talking about their relationship with Jesus Christ. Yes, those two words hit my ears and God said, "Aha. That's it". (As if He was shocked.. HA!) He knew why He had me there. Suddenly I felt embarrassed for all of my past excuses. Suddenly, my head finally caught up with my heart. Instead of thinking "logically", I began thinking with compassion. I allowed myself to fully feel what I had been supressing for so long. All of the emotion that I had kept bottled up was pouring out. And I was mad. Gloriously mad. No more excuses because they couldn't hold water any longer. It made me mad. No more reasons to be able to keep my emotions in check. It made me mad. No more being sentimental about the plight of the orphan but never being personal about the plight of OUR orphan. Oh, I was mad. Gloriously mad. God had opened my eyes to all of my past....yuck. And I was done with it. "Honey, we need to go over their and get our child. Whatever we need to do, rush the paperwork, call somebody, whatever. Our child is there." Suddenly the urgency set in.
Today, instead of spending my time worrying about bills, or time, or deadlines...I find myself thinking about our child. And about other children. Worldwide. There is an epidemic out there. I had always thought that once we get our child home we would just be a "normal" family raising three young children instead of two. We'll adapt. We'll blend in. Things will get back to normal. I no longer feel that way, because I know that as long as there are children in the world that need a forever family that Michelle and I will not be able to be complacent. We will work diligently to follow God's call on our lives to educate and bring awareness to this problem! Will we spread the word to others and share our experiences and passions so that more children might find their forever families?...Why not? Will we adopt again ourselves?...Who knows, but why not?
So I guess that just leaves one last question.......What's your "Why Not?"
Monday, January 16, 2012
A New Way of Thinking?
Something has struck me, recently, about the way that we look at things. Let's take for instance the Israelites as they fled from Egypt. After a while, they began to complain and there was murmuring that they wished they could just go back to Egypt because at least there they had food and shelter and they knew what they could expect. As we, today, read these passages I am assuming we take one of a couple different stances on the subject. We either feel sorry for them for not realizing the promise that was set before them, or we think of them as ridiculous for just not getting it. Their restlessness and disobedience just kept getting them into more trouble. All because they couldn't just be patient and wait on the Lord. But as I've pondered that, I realize that both reactions that we might have are based on the fact that we have the benefit of knowing the outcome. We don't have to have faith about leaving Egypt because we can simply turn a few pages and read how Joshua escorted them into the promised land. It's easy for us to be judgemental when we know the outcome and we see others "just not getting it."
This has been on my mind this week because I've been looking at things a little backwards. I've been looking at them from my point of view. In the world of adoption, we often use the phrase "It's not about you." I believe that with all of my heart, and yet I have found it at times to be difficult to actually incorporate that thinking into the process. Our family and friends help us to get the word out by saying, "come to our fundraiser to help raise money for the Stewart family." We sit in small groups and here our supportive friends saying, "how can we pray for you guys in your process? it must be so hard on you while you're waiting." Even I catch myself thinking as I prepare support letters; "this is the hardest part of the process. I hate asking people to send me money." Wow, did I really just say that? Send ME money? That thought really crosses my mind? Like I have the nerve to believe that I am just a nice enough guy that people will knock on my door and say, "Hello. I know you don't know me and I don't have a clue who you are but you just seem like a good guy that could use a dollar. Here you go." The nerve of me!!!!
Now, to all of our friends and family, please don't get us wrong because we love....LOVE...all of the support and prayers and everything that we get from you. And we know that the motive is just. The problem is that the focus is all wrong. Our focus is wrong and we have led you to the point where your focus is wrong and for that I am sorry. Let's change our thought process to statements such as "come to our fundraiser to raise money for the orphans of the world and to bring them home to a forever family. We'll start with bringing one home and not give up as long as there are children needing homes." Or maybe, "Where are you guys at in the process? How can we be praying for this precious child until he is home in your arms?" Or the change in my own thought process to, "I really don't like to ask for money for myself, but I pray that you will all understand that this is for a child that needs and deserves a forever family to love him and be there for him as he grows." Because it's really not about us. And it's not about you either. I would love for all of you to support us and I truly believe that you will be blessed by taking part in the process. But if you want to do it so that you can go to your inner circle and stand on a soap box saying, "guess what I did? I gave money to bring home an orphan. I was a part of their story. I did this. I did that. I, I, I...." If that's your motivation then I politely ask you to stop. Stop pretending that God doesn't know what you're up to. Stop pretending to yourself that you're holy for doing such a wonderful thing. Heck, stop reading this blog if that is the only motivation that you have to be a part of an adoption -- some sort of pompous, self-assuring pat on the back. Forgive me for being forward, but I know all of these mindsets because I've been there. I've had to tell myself, "don't be so outspoken to let everyone know about this GREAT thing that you're doing." "Don't play the martyr and tell everyone how expensive it is." That's a good one, by the way. I've even caught myself saying things such as, "oh it's hard. And I still don't know how we're going to do it, but God will provide in His timing." Nothing wrong with saying that, right? Well, there is if your motivation is to let everyone know how poor and pitiful you are and how desperate you are for their help. Pitiful? Well, yes. Just plain pitiful
I know I'm being quite vulnerable in sharing this, but I'm doing so to let you know that God has brought me to a new place of understanding. A better place. Let's go back to the story of the Israelites. Think for a moment how hard it must have been. How hard to trust and have faith while eating manna day after day after day. How hard to be told that the promised land awaits while still waiting in the desert year after year after year. I can see how it would be possible to believe that they had made a tactical error and that three meals and a roof over their heads in Egypt didn't look all that bad to them anymore. Well, I'm thinking about our child that will be coming home to us and I wonder some things. I wonder if they'll feel they will be leaving everything they've ever known. Their home. Their bed. Their language. Their foods. Their customs. What fears will they have about coming to a land where they don't know the people. They don't speak the language. They don't know how to tell the dog to stay down or how to say that their tummy is upset. They may cry at night and not be able to explain exactly why. It breaks my heart to know that there are so many children needing homes and it bothers me to think that, once adopted, they'll be leaving the only home they have known up 'til now. But God really did have the best interests planned for His people. And just like the Israelites going to the promised land, this child will have the promise of a forever family. A father and mother and siblings that will always be there. And more importantly, he will meet the One that brought him into being in the first place. What he'll do with that meeting will not be in our control, but you can be sure that we will arrange the conference. Yes. Shame on me for thinking at any time in this process that it is even remotely about me. SHAME ON ME!!!
So now that we've gotten that out of the way, where to do go? It's really quite simple...we go to God's word. Not to use scripture as leverage to make others feel bad about themselves. Not so we can stand on the street corner and boast of the verses that we have memorized. We go to God's word to dig deeply into His thoughts, dig deeply into His commands....just dig deeply into Him. Michelle and I did not come to this process haphazardly. We prayed over it and we followed God's lead. I pray that many of you will follow us in support of these children. Whether you support our adoption or someone else's adoption or if you adopt a child yourself really is not the point. The point is that God calls us to get involved and to care for these little ones. I truly believe that God has blessings to bestow on us for following Him when He calls. In our instance, He has called us to adopt. Will my blessing be having an organization call and say they want to fund our entire adoption? I certainly hope not. Because if our blessing in this process were to halt at the very beginning and to have anything to do with monetary values then we just aren't getting it. The blessings will come in the little things like seeing our child chase after a butterfly in the front yard. Or hearing giggles in the bedroom when they are supposed to be asleep. Or hearing the belly laughs as the kids all sit around and tell stories about how ridiculous daddy can be. Or hear the clapping and cheering as they score a basket, or hit a homerun, or play in the school band, or bring home a good report card, or graduate high school, or find a soul mate to share their life with, or bring their own child...a new Stewart...into this world. No, the blessings don't stop at the adoption process. That is merely the beginning. Just like this lifetime is merely a beginning once we give our lives to Jesus. At that point, even the next 80 years are just the beginning.
So shame on me for having the nerve to think that this process is about me. And shame on me for having the nerve to think that this process is about adoption. It's not. It's about people; God's people. It's about children. It's about love. Or as my 8 year old daughter likes to say, "It's all about Jesus and God."
So what does God's word say for just such an occasion? Michelle has shared a version of a verse that I can't get out of my mind. "...once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Prov 24:12.
He holds us responsible. Responsible to act on what we see and know to be right in the eyes of our Lord. Responsible to act with a right motive, one that puts these children first...and last...and always. Responsible to act for absolutley no selfish gains and for no promises of prosperity other than the blessings of following God's call....no matter what that is.
I was listening to a song today. "If you can use anything Lord, you can use me...Take my hands Lord, and my feet. Take my heart Lord, speak through me. If you can use anything Lord, you can use me." I'm here Lord. Use me. Won't those of you reading join me? Follow the Lord in what He is calling you to do. Don't pretend that you don't know. Receive your blessings, the blessings of life. The blessings of A life; that of a child.
This has been on my mind this week because I've been looking at things a little backwards. I've been looking at them from my point of view. In the world of adoption, we often use the phrase "It's not about you." I believe that with all of my heart, and yet I have found it at times to be difficult to actually incorporate that thinking into the process. Our family and friends help us to get the word out by saying, "come to our fundraiser to help raise money for the Stewart family." We sit in small groups and here our supportive friends saying, "how can we pray for you guys in your process? it must be so hard on you while you're waiting." Even I catch myself thinking as I prepare support letters; "this is the hardest part of the process. I hate asking people to send me money." Wow, did I really just say that? Send ME money? That thought really crosses my mind? Like I have the nerve to believe that I am just a nice enough guy that people will knock on my door and say, "Hello. I know you don't know me and I don't have a clue who you are but you just seem like a good guy that could use a dollar. Here you go." The nerve of me!!!!
Now, to all of our friends and family, please don't get us wrong because we love....LOVE...all of the support and prayers and everything that we get from you. And we know that the motive is just. The problem is that the focus is all wrong. Our focus is wrong and we have led you to the point where your focus is wrong and for that I am sorry. Let's change our thought process to statements such as "come to our fundraiser to raise money for the orphans of the world and to bring them home to a forever family. We'll start with bringing one home and not give up as long as there are children needing homes." Or maybe, "Where are you guys at in the process? How can we be praying for this precious child until he is home in your arms?" Or the change in my own thought process to, "I really don't like to ask for money for myself, but I pray that you will all understand that this is for a child that needs and deserves a forever family to love him and be there for him as he grows." Because it's really not about us. And it's not about you either. I would love for all of you to support us and I truly believe that you will be blessed by taking part in the process. But if you want to do it so that you can go to your inner circle and stand on a soap box saying, "guess what I did? I gave money to bring home an orphan. I was a part of their story. I did this. I did that. I, I, I...." If that's your motivation then I politely ask you to stop. Stop pretending that God doesn't know what you're up to. Stop pretending to yourself that you're holy for doing such a wonderful thing. Heck, stop reading this blog if that is the only motivation that you have to be a part of an adoption -- some sort of pompous, self-assuring pat on the back. Forgive me for being forward, but I know all of these mindsets because I've been there. I've had to tell myself, "don't be so outspoken to let everyone know about this GREAT thing that you're doing." "Don't play the martyr and tell everyone how expensive it is." That's a good one, by the way. I've even caught myself saying things such as, "oh it's hard. And I still don't know how we're going to do it, but God will provide in His timing." Nothing wrong with saying that, right? Well, there is if your motivation is to let everyone know how poor and pitiful you are and how desperate you are for their help. Pitiful? Well, yes. Just plain pitiful
I know I'm being quite vulnerable in sharing this, but I'm doing so to let you know that God has brought me to a new place of understanding. A better place. Let's go back to the story of the Israelites. Think for a moment how hard it must have been. How hard to trust and have faith while eating manna day after day after day. How hard to be told that the promised land awaits while still waiting in the desert year after year after year. I can see how it would be possible to believe that they had made a tactical error and that three meals and a roof over their heads in Egypt didn't look all that bad to them anymore. Well, I'm thinking about our child that will be coming home to us and I wonder some things. I wonder if they'll feel they will be leaving everything they've ever known. Their home. Their bed. Their language. Their foods. Their customs. What fears will they have about coming to a land where they don't know the people. They don't speak the language. They don't know how to tell the dog to stay down or how to say that their tummy is upset. They may cry at night and not be able to explain exactly why. It breaks my heart to know that there are so many children needing homes and it bothers me to think that, once adopted, they'll be leaving the only home they have known up 'til now. But God really did have the best interests planned for His people. And just like the Israelites going to the promised land, this child will have the promise of a forever family. A father and mother and siblings that will always be there. And more importantly, he will meet the One that brought him into being in the first place. What he'll do with that meeting will not be in our control, but you can be sure that we will arrange the conference. Yes. Shame on me for thinking at any time in this process that it is even remotely about me. SHAME ON ME!!!
So now that we've gotten that out of the way, where to do go? It's really quite simple...we go to God's word. Not to use scripture as leverage to make others feel bad about themselves. Not so we can stand on the street corner and boast of the verses that we have memorized. We go to God's word to dig deeply into His thoughts, dig deeply into His commands....just dig deeply into Him. Michelle and I did not come to this process haphazardly. We prayed over it and we followed God's lead. I pray that many of you will follow us in support of these children. Whether you support our adoption or someone else's adoption or if you adopt a child yourself really is not the point. The point is that God calls us to get involved and to care for these little ones. I truly believe that God has blessings to bestow on us for following Him when He calls. In our instance, He has called us to adopt. Will my blessing be having an organization call and say they want to fund our entire adoption? I certainly hope not. Because if our blessing in this process were to halt at the very beginning and to have anything to do with monetary values then we just aren't getting it. The blessings will come in the little things like seeing our child chase after a butterfly in the front yard. Or hearing giggles in the bedroom when they are supposed to be asleep. Or hearing the belly laughs as the kids all sit around and tell stories about how ridiculous daddy can be. Or hear the clapping and cheering as they score a basket, or hit a homerun, or play in the school band, or bring home a good report card, or graduate high school, or find a soul mate to share their life with, or bring their own child...a new Stewart...into this world. No, the blessings don't stop at the adoption process. That is merely the beginning. Just like this lifetime is merely a beginning once we give our lives to Jesus. At that point, even the next 80 years are just the beginning.
So shame on me for having the nerve to think that this process is about me. And shame on me for having the nerve to think that this process is about adoption. It's not. It's about people; God's people. It's about children. It's about love. Or as my 8 year old daughter likes to say, "It's all about Jesus and God."
So what does God's word say for just such an occasion? Michelle has shared a version of a verse that I can't get out of my mind. "...once our eyes are opened, we cannot pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act." Prov 24:12.
He holds us responsible. Responsible to act on what we see and know to be right in the eyes of our Lord. Responsible to act with a right motive, one that puts these children first...and last...and always. Responsible to act for absolutley no selfish gains and for no promises of prosperity other than the blessings of following God's call....no matter what that is.
I was listening to a song today. "If you can use anything Lord, you can use me...Take my hands Lord, and my feet. Take my heart Lord, speak through me. If you can use anything Lord, you can use me." I'm here Lord. Use me. Won't those of you reading join me? Follow the Lord in what He is calling you to do. Don't pretend that you don't know. Receive your blessings, the blessings of life. The blessings of A life; that of a child.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Exciting Update
As we've mentioned, the process of adopting a child internationally can be a rather expensive ordeal. It has nothing to do with the actual child and the orphanage where they are located. You do not pay funds to be allowed to take a child home or to "pay off" anyone or anything like that. That has been an interesting misconception that I've heard when questions have been asked about this. But there are two different governments to deal with that have a lot of paperwork to process. There is a US run agency that has done extensive work in preparing the way for families like ours. Oh my, I cannot imagine what the process would be like if we were going about it alone and if no other families had come before us to pave the way. There is also an agency in the foreign country that has set similar foundations as we have enjoyed here. There are fees associated with all of this. There are also the travel fees of having to go to eastern Europe twice. To date, we have received $2000 in grants, have raised a few thousand more and have spent our own funds to keep us up to date to this point. We still have around $15,000 or so to raise, including the travel costs. We recently received word from a wonderful organization that we are receiving a $2000 matching grant. God continues to amaze us in how He brings resources and blesses our lives. Lifesong for Orphans has agreed to match up to $2000 in donations received by the end of February. This is where we need to call on help from our friends. I really am uncomfortable with this part of the process because I don't do well in asking for things. We believe we are following God's leading and our family has been blessed because of following His call and we invite you to join with us in this call. We have already been blessed by the support from our friends, both financially and prayerfully, and we cannot begin to tell you how thankful we are. If you have supported us, we sincerely thank you. If you have not, we invite you to do so. Please send donations to the following address and reference in the memo section Stewart #2463 Adoption:
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40
202 N Ford St
Gridley, IL 61744
Note: In following IRA guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor's suggested use.
These donations are tax deductible and will be matched, up to $2000 for funds received by Feb. 29. We cannot begin to thank you all enough. Many of you have asked how the process has been going. I've heard previously that some people have a hard time when asked about the process. It's kinda like the expectant mother that has gotten to the point to where she is just ready to have the baby and she doesn't want to keep answering questions over and over. Well, I can tell you thus far it has not bothered me at all. When you have something that you are immensely excited about and that you know God is guiding, you just can't help but talk about it. So I say to all of you, ask away and thank you so much for being interested. May God bless each and every one of you and I pray for each of you. Thank you.
Until next time....
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40
202 N Ford St
Gridley, IL 61744
Note: In following IRA guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor's suggested use.
These donations are tax deductible and will be matched, up to $2000 for funds received by Feb. 29. We cannot begin to thank you all enough. Many of you have asked how the process has been going. I've heard previously that some people have a hard time when asked about the process. It's kinda like the expectant mother that has gotten to the point to where she is just ready to have the baby and she doesn't want to keep answering questions over and over. Well, I can tell you thus far it has not bothered me at all. When you have something that you are immensely excited about and that you know God is guiding, you just can't help but talk about it. So I say to all of you, ask away and thank you so much for being interested. May God bless each and every one of you and I pray for each of you. Thank you.
Until next time....
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Bringing you up to speed
Ok. So do you remember in high school when we had to read a classic book and do a report on it? Were you like me and procrastinated so long that you didn't have time to actually read the book? Well, to that end I would say thank goodness for CliffNotes. You know, the little black and yellow "booklets" that would highlight the important parts of the classics. Granted, that was over 25 years ago. I don't even know if they still exist. Today, I suppose, you could probably buy something like "Of Mice and Men.....for Dummies." At any rate, this post is going to be the CliffNotes version of our process for you. Since we started our adoption process back in May, but didn't start blogging until recently, we realize that there is a lot of information that we haven't shared with all of you. So I'll try to bring you up to speed.
I mentioned in a previous blog that Michelle had been ready to adopt for quite awhile but that I was "in and out" of being ready to jump. Well, on April 11, 2011 Michelle's grandmother passed away. Actually, this was a short time after her other grandmother had passed and so it was a very emotional time for her. We got a little bit of money from grandma and Michelle was planning on using it toward an upcoming vacation we were taking to see my daughter and Michelle's cousin in Colorado. Instead, I said "hey, we were planning to go on that vacation anyway. What do you say we apply that money to our Home Study?" BOOM --- and we're off. After Michelle's display of excitement she started rattling off the things we needed to do and who we needed to call. For any of you football fans that are watching bowl games this week, what Michelle did was she took the ball and ran. No lead blockers, no gap opened up...all her. She ran and she ran hard. You see, I believe she remembered the time before when I got cold feet and pulled back on saying let's do it. And I have to admit that when she started running, the thought that went through my head was, "oh my. What did I just do?" There is no way I can take it back. Not again. I just went all in without even looking carefully at my cards. (Yes, I've watched some poker on TV. If it's on ESPN, then I've seen it.) But then the most amazing thing happened. A calm came over me that I cannot explain. I soon realized that it was relief. This is what I had wanted all along and what I knew God was calling us to do but satan had been throwing road blocks at me in the form of doubt and fear, self-pity and shame. Does satan ever do that to you? Do you KNOW what it is that God is calling you to but you simply can't allow yourself to commit? That was me. And this time I didn't have time to think and analyze and come up with every lame excuse. The Holy Spirit simply said "let's do it" and those words came out of my mouth.
So we began preparing for our home study. A home study is where an individual comes into your home to see where you live and conduct an interview with your family. Basically it is an assessment to make sure that your family and your living situation is suitable to include another child. I was pretty sure we weren't going to fail this assessment, but there was still some anxiety involved. We revealed things about of family history, our upbringing, past relationships, parenting styles, discipline, and why we want to adopt. We also gathered paperwork to start building our dossier that would be sent to the country we are adopting from. We had criminal background checks, child abuse background checks, medical check-ups, psychological evaluations, HIV tests, TB tests, fingerprints and so on. I can't think of any "so on's" right now, but it seemed like everytime we turned around there was another so on. It was all completely understandable and was no problem to go through, but our anxiety was in making sure we had done everything that we needed to do and do it right the first time. The home study was the first step in saying that we were actually going to bring an unknown child into our home. One of God's children, otherwise fatherless, in need of a forever family. This is important stuff and I would subject myself to shots and evaluations a million times over if it meant being able to save a child.
Also for the dossier we had paperwork to fill out for the government. Paperwork for state, federal, foreign and international governments. Again, this is all understandable. It is so important to make sure that a child is being brought into a good home. I don't mean a big, elaborate home. I don't mean a rich family. I mean a loving, Godly home. One where the child can be introduced to the One that has loved him or her all along. I can't wait to introduce our child to that Father. Michelle will likely be the only mother this child has ever and will ever know. I, on the other hand, will be a temporary father. Oh, I plan to be a good father to this child. I plan to love this child the same as I love my biological children. In many ways I already do. We are expectant parents the same way that biological parents experience over a 9 month period. The bond is forming in my heart before I ever meet this child face to face. Yes, I will be a good, loving father. But I will never be The Father that I pray this child will get to know. I cannot wait for the privilege to introduce our child to Him and see that relationship grow. Our children that are now 11 and 8 years old have long since been introduced to Him. Like all of us, they have days of really displaying God's love and they openly profess their faith and like all of us they also have days where you just don't see the evidence. It's all part of growing and I love how they are growing up to be children of God. As I write this, I wonder how they will take an active part in sharing the love of Christ with their new brother or sister? Will they lead by example? Will they actively read and teach the things that they have learned? It's going to be quite an adventure. I can't wait to see how it unfolds. God, please help me to be the best example that I can, not so that you tell me "well done, my good and faithful servant" but so that you tell me AND my children those wonderful words.
Ok, back to the process. While waiting on paperwork, we also filled out applications for grant money. There are many wonderful organizations out there that believe in the adoption process and that want to help families like ours be able to achieve their dreams. Stay tuned in the next couple days for us to reveal some exciting news about these grants. We have also been taking on-line classes and doing research about the country that our child is from. Our agency does a fantastic job of guiding families to prepare to bring their child home. When our child gets to the point that he or she wants to know about their country, how foolish would we look to say, "gee, I don't really know. That's a good question". We want to be educated to the point that we can share important information with them and our agency is keeping us on track to gather that information. They also help us to learn about the anxieties and issues that a child can face after placement into the home. I appreciate all of the help, you can never read too much and prepare too much. But when it comes down to it, I believe my authority will come from God and in the form of prayer. Now, one thing I do want to mention. Yes we will share information about our child's home country when it is appropriate, but I feel in my heart that when my child says "can you tell me about grandma and grandpa" that my stories will turn to the stories that my father told me about his high school years and I'll share about the amazing woman that my mother was before God called her home at way too early of an age. I'm not concerned about knowing his/her biological heritage because he/she will be a Stewart. Not a semi-Stewart, but a Stewart. And my heritage is their heritage. If the information is available, I won't hide their biological heritage and we'll talk about it at an appropriate age but my point is that our child will be a full-fledged member of the Stewart family. I'm so glad that God doesn't think of me as his "adopted" child and that when I pray to my Father in heaven He doesn't wonder if I mean Him or someone else. He is my Father...Abba...Daddy. And I pray that He will be that to my children as well.
Currently, we have received all of the acceptance and approval that we need from the U.S. government and have just today sent our dossier to our agency's director who will, in turn, send it to the foreign country. We're getting close. We hope to be informed sometime this month of when our first travel date will be. We could be within just a few weeks of meeting our child. Michelle mentioned to me today that we have prepared all of the paperwork that we need to prepare. That's it. We now ask that you pray with us that God will guide the hands and minds of those that are evaluating the paperwork and that the rest of the process goes swiftly and smoothly. Oh, and that little issue of finances. We would appreciate prayers for that as well. I'm not afraid that it won't happen. I know that it will. I serve an amazing God that has an abundance of resources. I can't wait to see how He will pull it off. I'm most excited to see who He will bring into the world of adoptive families. I know someone reading this has already had those thoughts. Maybe you don't know how to start. Maybe you're scared like I was. I don't know your story or your issue. As I think about my fears before the process started I remember something I was told once about dealing with different situations. You work on your strengths and let God handle your weaknesses. Fret not. Fret not. Fret not.
Dear God, I pray that you will bring to this blog the right person that needs to read it. Not to give our family any attention for it certainly is not about us. But to give someone that assurance that whatever fears or concerns they may have about starting the adoption process that I've been there. I've been in their shoes and tried to come up with every reason not to adopt. I've wavered and I've struggled. I've cried out in anguish at the incredible desire to follow You but then turned in despair when gripped with fear at taking that leap of faith. I've felt the shame of being afraid and of not having the faith to follow you, Lord. But I've also felt the freedom of knowing that You understand all of those fears and that you wait patiently for us to say, "here I am Lord. Use me." Lord, help others to realize the incredible blessing that you have bestowed on our family and that we are blindly in the midst of. Thank you for guiding our family and bringing us closer to You. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
God Bless, friends. I can't wait to hear YOUR stories in the future.
I mentioned in a previous blog that Michelle had been ready to adopt for quite awhile but that I was "in and out" of being ready to jump. Well, on April 11, 2011 Michelle's grandmother passed away. Actually, this was a short time after her other grandmother had passed and so it was a very emotional time for her. We got a little bit of money from grandma and Michelle was planning on using it toward an upcoming vacation we were taking to see my daughter and Michelle's cousin in Colorado. Instead, I said "hey, we were planning to go on that vacation anyway. What do you say we apply that money to our Home Study?" BOOM --- and we're off. After Michelle's display of excitement she started rattling off the things we needed to do and who we needed to call. For any of you football fans that are watching bowl games this week, what Michelle did was she took the ball and ran. No lead blockers, no gap opened up...all her. She ran and she ran hard. You see, I believe she remembered the time before when I got cold feet and pulled back on saying let's do it. And I have to admit that when she started running, the thought that went through my head was, "oh my. What did I just do?" There is no way I can take it back. Not again. I just went all in without even looking carefully at my cards. (Yes, I've watched some poker on TV. If it's on ESPN, then I've seen it.) But then the most amazing thing happened. A calm came over me that I cannot explain. I soon realized that it was relief. This is what I had wanted all along and what I knew God was calling us to do but satan had been throwing road blocks at me in the form of doubt and fear, self-pity and shame. Does satan ever do that to you? Do you KNOW what it is that God is calling you to but you simply can't allow yourself to commit? That was me. And this time I didn't have time to think and analyze and come up with every lame excuse. The Holy Spirit simply said "let's do it" and those words came out of my mouth.
So we began preparing for our home study. A home study is where an individual comes into your home to see where you live and conduct an interview with your family. Basically it is an assessment to make sure that your family and your living situation is suitable to include another child. I was pretty sure we weren't going to fail this assessment, but there was still some anxiety involved. We revealed things about of family history, our upbringing, past relationships, parenting styles, discipline, and why we want to adopt. We also gathered paperwork to start building our dossier that would be sent to the country we are adopting from. We had criminal background checks, child abuse background checks, medical check-ups, psychological evaluations, HIV tests, TB tests, fingerprints and so on. I can't think of any "so on's" right now, but it seemed like everytime we turned around there was another so on. It was all completely understandable and was no problem to go through, but our anxiety was in making sure we had done everything that we needed to do and do it right the first time. The home study was the first step in saying that we were actually going to bring an unknown child into our home. One of God's children, otherwise fatherless, in need of a forever family. This is important stuff and I would subject myself to shots and evaluations a million times over if it meant being able to save a child.
Also for the dossier we had paperwork to fill out for the government. Paperwork for state, federal, foreign and international governments. Again, this is all understandable. It is so important to make sure that a child is being brought into a good home. I don't mean a big, elaborate home. I don't mean a rich family. I mean a loving, Godly home. One where the child can be introduced to the One that has loved him or her all along. I can't wait to introduce our child to that Father. Michelle will likely be the only mother this child has ever and will ever know. I, on the other hand, will be a temporary father. Oh, I plan to be a good father to this child. I plan to love this child the same as I love my biological children. In many ways I already do. We are expectant parents the same way that biological parents experience over a 9 month period. The bond is forming in my heart before I ever meet this child face to face. Yes, I will be a good, loving father. But I will never be The Father that I pray this child will get to know. I cannot wait for the privilege to introduce our child to Him and see that relationship grow. Our children that are now 11 and 8 years old have long since been introduced to Him. Like all of us, they have days of really displaying God's love and they openly profess their faith and like all of us they also have days where you just don't see the evidence. It's all part of growing and I love how they are growing up to be children of God. As I write this, I wonder how they will take an active part in sharing the love of Christ with their new brother or sister? Will they lead by example? Will they actively read and teach the things that they have learned? It's going to be quite an adventure. I can't wait to see how it unfolds. God, please help me to be the best example that I can, not so that you tell me "well done, my good and faithful servant" but so that you tell me AND my children those wonderful words.
Ok, back to the process. While waiting on paperwork, we also filled out applications for grant money. There are many wonderful organizations out there that believe in the adoption process and that want to help families like ours be able to achieve their dreams. Stay tuned in the next couple days for us to reveal some exciting news about these grants. We have also been taking on-line classes and doing research about the country that our child is from. Our agency does a fantastic job of guiding families to prepare to bring their child home. When our child gets to the point that he or she wants to know about their country, how foolish would we look to say, "gee, I don't really know. That's a good question". We want to be educated to the point that we can share important information with them and our agency is keeping us on track to gather that information. They also help us to learn about the anxieties and issues that a child can face after placement into the home. I appreciate all of the help, you can never read too much and prepare too much. But when it comes down to it, I believe my authority will come from God and in the form of prayer. Now, one thing I do want to mention. Yes we will share information about our child's home country when it is appropriate, but I feel in my heart that when my child says "can you tell me about grandma and grandpa" that my stories will turn to the stories that my father told me about his high school years and I'll share about the amazing woman that my mother was before God called her home at way too early of an age. I'm not concerned about knowing his/her biological heritage because he/she will be a Stewart. Not a semi-Stewart, but a Stewart. And my heritage is their heritage. If the information is available, I won't hide their biological heritage and we'll talk about it at an appropriate age but my point is that our child will be a full-fledged member of the Stewart family. I'm so glad that God doesn't think of me as his "adopted" child and that when I pray to my Father in heaven He doesn't wonder if I mean Him or someone else. He is my Father...Abba...Daddy. And I pray that He will be that to my children as well.
Currently, we have received all of the acceptance and approval that we need from the U.S. government and have just today sent our dossier to our agency's director who will, in turn, send it to the foreign country. We're getting close. We hope to be informed sometime this month of when our first travel date will be. We could be within just a few weeks of meeting our child. Michelle mentioned to me today that we have prepared all of the paperwork that we need to prepare. That's it. We now ask that you pray with us that God will guide the hands and minds of those that are evaluating the paperwork and that the rest of the process goes swiftly and smoothly. Oh, and that little issue of finances. We would appreciate prayers for that as well. I'm not afraid that it won't happen. I know that it will. I serve an amazing God that has an abundance of resources. I can't wait to see how He will pull it off. I'm most excited to see who He will bring into the world of adoptive families. I know someone reading this has already had those thoughts. Maybe you don't know how to start. Maybe you're scared like I was. I don't know your story or your issue. As I think about my fears before the process started I remember something I was told once about dealing with different situations. You work on your strengths and let God handle your weaknesses. Fret not. Fret not. Fret not.
Dear God, I pray that you will bring to this blog the right person that needs to read it. Not to give our family any attention for it certainly is not about us. But to give someone that assurance that whatever fears or concerns they may have about starting the adoption process that I've been there. I've been in their shoes and tried to come up with every reason not to adopt. I've wavered and I've struggled. I've cried out in anguish at the incredible desire to follow You but then turned in despair when gripped with fear at taking that leap of faith. I've felt the shame of being afraid and of not having the faith to follow you, Lord. But I've also felt the freedom of knowing that You understand all of those fears and that you wait patiently for us to say, "here I am Lord. Use me." Lord, help others to realize the incredible blessing that you have bestowed on our family and that we are blindly in the midst of. Thank you for guiding our family and bringing us closer to You. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
God Bless, friends. I can't wait to hear YOUR stories in the future.
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