Ok. So do you remember in high school when we had to read a classic book and do a report on it? Were you like me and procrastinated so long that you didn't have time to actually read the book? Well, to that end I would say thank goodness for CliffNotes. You know, the little black and yellow "booklets" that would highlight the important parts of the classics. Granted, that was over 25 years ago. I don't even know if they still exist. Today, I suppose, you could probably buy something like "Of Mice and Men.....for Dummies." At any rate, this post is going to be the CliffNotes version of our process for you. Since we started our adoption process back in May, but didn't start blogging until recently, we realize that there is a lot of information that we haven't shared with all of you. So I'll try to bring you up to speed.
I mentioned in a previous blog that Michelle had been ready to adopt for quite awhile but that I was "in and out" of being ready to jump. Well, on April 11, 2011 Michelle's grandmother passed away. Actually, this was a short time after her other grandmother had passed and so it was a very emotional time for her. We got a little bit of money from grandma and Michelle was planning on using it toward an upcoming vacation we were taking to see my daughter and Michelle's cousin in Colorado. Instead, I said "hey, we were planning to go on that vacation anyway. What do you say we apply that money to our Home Study?" BOOM --- and we're off. After Michelle's display of excitement she started rattling off the things we needed to do and who we needed to call. For any of you football fans that are watching bowl games this week, what Michelle did was she took the ball and ran. No lead blockers, no gap opened up...all her. She ran and she ran hard. You see, I believe she remembered the time before when I got cold feet and pulled back on saying let's do it. And I have to admit that when she started running, the thought that went through my head was, "oh my. What did I just do?" There is no way I can take it back. Not again. I just went all in without even looking carefully at my cards. (Yes, I've watched some poker on TV. If it's on ESPN, then I've seen it.) But then the most amazing thing happened. A calm came over me that I cannot explain. I soon realized that it was relief. This is what I had wanted all along and what I knew God was calling us to do but satan had been throwing road blocks at me in the form of doubt and fear, self-pity and shame. Does satan ever do that to you? Do you KNOW what it is that God is calling you to but you simply can't allow yourself to commit? That was me. And this time I didn't have time to think and analyze and come up with every lame excuse. The Holy Spirit simply said "let's do it" and those words came out of my mouth.
So we began preparing for our home study. A home study is where an individual comes into your home to see where you live and conduct an interview with your family. Basically it is an assessment to make sure that your family and your living situation is suitable to include another child. I was pretty sure we weren't going to fail this assessment, but there was still some anxiety involved. We revealed things about of family history, our upbringing, past relationships, parenting styles, discipline, and why we want to adopt. We also gathered paperwork to start building our dossier that would be sent to the country we are adopting from. We had criminal background checks, child abuse background checks, medical check-ups, psychological evaluations, HIV tests, TB tests, fingerprints and so on. I can't think of any "so on's" right now, but it seemed like everytime we turned around there was another so on. It was all completely understandable and was no problem to go through, but our anxiety was in making sure we had done everything that we needed to do and do it right the first time. The home study was the first step in saying that we were actually going to bring an unknown child into our home. One of God's children, otherwise fatherless, in need of a forever family. This is important stuff and I would subject myself to shots and evaluations a million times over if it meant being able to save a child.
Also for the dossier we had paperwork to fill out for the government. Paperwork for state, federal, foreign and international governments. Again, this is all understandable. It is so important to make sure that a child is being brought into a good home. I don't mean a big, elaborate home. I don't mean a rich family. I mean a loving, Godly home. One where the child can be introduced to the One that has loved him or her all along. I can't wait to introduce our child to that Father. Michelle will likely be the only mother this child has ever and will ever know. I, on the other hand, will be a temporary father. Oh, I plan to be a good father to this child. I plan to love this child the same as I love my biological children. In many ways I already do. We are expectant parents the same way that biological parents experience over a 9 month period. The bond is forming in my heart before I ever meet this child face to face. Yes, I will be a good, loving father. But I will never be The Father that I pray this child will get to know. I cannot wait for the privilege to introduce our child to Him and see that relationship grow. Our children that are now 11 and 8 years old have long since been introduced to Him. Like all of us, they have days of really displaying God's love and they openly profess their faith and like all of us they also have days where you just don't see the evidence. It's all part of growing and I love how they are growing up to be children of God. As I write this, I wonder how they will take an active part in sharing the love of Christ with their new brother or sister? Will they lead by example? Will they actively read and teach the things that they have learned? It's going to be quite an adventure. I can't wait to see how it unfolds. God, please help me to be the best example that I can, not so that you tell me "well done, my good and faithful servant" but so that you tell me AND my children those wonderful words.
Ok, back to the process. While waiting on paperwork, we also filled out applications for grant money. There are many wonderful organizations out there that believe in the adoption process and that want to help families like ours be able to achieve their dreams. Stay tuned in the next couple days for us to reveal some exciting news about these grants. We have also been taking on-line classes and doing research about the country that our child is from. Our agency does a fantastic job of guiding families to prepare to bring their child home. When our child gets to the point that he or she wants to know about their country, how foolish would we look to say, "gee, I don't really know. That's a good question". We want to be educated to the point that we can share important information with them and our agency is keeping us on track to gather that information. They also help us to learn about the anxieties and issues that a child can face after placement into the home. I appreciate all of the help, you can never read too much and prepare too much. But when it comes down to it, I believe my authority will come from God and in the form of prayer. Now, one thing I do want to mention. Yes we will share information about our child's home country when it is appropriate, but I feel in my heart that when my child says "can you tell me about grandma and grandpa" that my stories will turn to the stories that my father told me about his high school years and I'll share about the amazing woman that my mother was before God called her home at way too early of an age. I'm not concerned about knowing his/her biological heritage because he/she will be a Stewart. Not a semi-Stewart, but a Stewart. And my heritage is their heritage. If the information is available, I won't hide their biological heritage and we'll talk about it at an appropriate age but my point is that our child will be a full-fledged member of the Stewart family. I'm so glad that God doesn't think of me as his "adopted" child and that when I pray to my Father in heaven He doesn't wonder if I mean Him or someone else. He is my Father...Abba...Daddy. And I pray that He will be that to my children as well.
Currently, we have received all of the acceptance and approval that we need from the U.S. government and have just today sent our dossier to our agency's director who will, in turn, send it to the foreign country. We're getting close. We hope to be informed sometime this month of when our first travel date will be. We could be within just a few weeks of meeting our child. Michelle mentioned to me today that we have prepared all of the paperwork that we need to prepare. That's it. We now ask that you pray with us that God will guide the hands and minds of those that are evaluating the paperwork and that the rest of the process goes swiftly and smoothly. Oh, and that little issue of finances. We would appreciate prayers for that as well. I'm not afraid that it won't happen. I know that it will. I serve an amazing God that has an abundance of resources. I can't wait to see how He will pull it off. I'm most excited to see who He will bring into the world of adoptive families. I know someone reading this has already had those thoughts. Maybe you don't know how to start. Maybe you're scared like I was. I don't know your story or your issue. As I think about my fears before the process started I remember something I was told once about dealing with different situations. You work on your strengths and let God handle your weaknesses. Fret not. Fret not. Fret not.
Dear God, I pray that you will bring to this blog the right person that needs to read it. Not to give our family any attention for it certainly is not about us. But to give someone that assurance that whatever fears or concerns they may have about starting the adoption process that I've been there. I've been in their shoes and tried to come up with every reason not to adopt. I've wavered and I've struggled. I've cried out in anguish at the incredible desire to follow You but then turned in despair when gripped with fear at taking that leap of faith. I've felt the shame of being afraid and of not having the faith to follow you, Lord. But I've also felt the freedom of knowing that You understand all of those fears and that you wait patiently for us to say, "here I am Lord. Use me." Lord, help others to realize the incredible blessing that you have bestowed on our family and that we are blindly in the midst of. Thank you for guiding our family and bringing us closer to You. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
God Bless, friends. I can't wait to hear YOUR stories in the future.
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