Be Still...

Well, here's where we are in the process.  We have all of the paperwork done that needs to be done in the US.  We put all of that paperwork together in one packet which is known as the dossier.  That dossier has been sent to the country where our child is.  Now....we wait.  And it's hard.  We feel there is so much we could be doing.  But we continue to wait.  There is no reason at all to wonder or worry about whether or not everything will be "accepted", but still the anticipation of getting that call that tells us when we can go to meet our child is hard.  Remember being ten years old and having a birthday coming up?  We used to count down the days....2 more weeks....1 more week....5 more days....2 more days...  I think we made it harder on ourselves by wishing so badly that the time was here.  It's like with expectant mothers.  Perhaps your actual due date is still weeks, even months away.  But when you have a dr. appointment where you know you will have the first ultra-sound and it will be the first time that you hear your child's heart beat, it's a hard wait.  I can't wait to give my child a hug and hear his heart beat against mine for the first time.  I'm ready.  I want to go now.  Fortunately we do have some things we can do in the meantime.  We do still have funds to raise.  (Perfect time to mention the 147 million link on this blog's home page to help with our fundraiser).  But even with that, it's not getting us to our child.  As I sit and realize how hard it is to wait, I can't help but think about Psalm 46:10.  "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."   Now I have no problem knowing that He is God.  And what's neat about the latter part of this verse is that He will be exalted among the nations.  Multiple nations.  In our case, we will exalt Him here in the United States and we will exalt him in southeastern Europe when He takes us to our child.  That's really cool.  I know that Michelle and I can't do this ourselves and that God is doing this.  God is making a way for these children.  God is making a way for our child.  He is a loving enough God that He is bringing us along for the ride.  He is gracious enough to give us HIS child.  So we are waiting for God's child to come into our home so that we may raise him to know God more intimately.  To know the very one that created us and brought us out of our own seclusions and became our Father.  To that glorious end, I think I can wait.  But "be still"?....c'mon.  I can't be still.  My mind is always racing about what I need to do next.  What's the next step?  What should we do to prepare to travel?  Is the room ready for another child?  How will we introduce this child to our family and friends?  Do the schools know that we are bringing another child into this community?  Will he learn English quickly enough to be at his age appropriate grade level or will he need to take a step back to have time to learn?  So many things to think about and to prepare to.....WHOA.  Easy Tony.....Be Still.   Ok, Lord.  I hear you.  I know the verse.  Be Still.  But how does sitting around doing nothing and acknowledging that you are who you say you are get anything accomplished?  Be still.  Really? Just give me something to do.  Well, I would imagine that many of you have had similar thoughts when you've faced a tough decision or you've prayed about something and have not yet gotten an answer.  How do you just be still?  I did a little digging and found that the Hebrew word that we translate as "Be Still" is rapah.  Rapah does mean to be still, but as such to abandon or to stop.  It's like God is saying, "Stop!!!  Enough!!!"  "Give it a rest already."   Here is what I hear God saying to me; "Look, I've got this.  You've done your part.  All I ever asked of you was to be willing and to follow the steps laid out before you.  I've got the rest.  Actually, I've had it all the whole way.  I gave Michelle this vision long before you were ready for it.  I brought you along slowly, even allowed you to have doubts, so that when you jumped it would be with both feet.  I closed doors that you THOUGHT you wanted to walk through, just to bring you to where I wanted you and gave you the heart and passion to want it as well.  I've orchestrated everything.  When you went to get your fingerprints and you had a cut on your finger to where they said you would probably have to reschedule, and how they gave it a try but didn't hold out much hope that the computer would read the print, and how it came out perfectly on the first try and they said 'wow, that worked so much better than I imagined'....you really think that was YOU?  C'mon Tony.  Relax.  I've got this."   Wow, thank you Lord.  Thank you for reminding me that I am your servant and that this entire process is not about me.  So I will wait.  In the stillness...in the abandonment of my anxiety...I hear God telling me to delve into His word.  To be as into Him as I can be so that I can be into my children the way that a father should be.   Why do I need to spend more time with God during this journey?  Because I want our child here with us.  Because I want our biological children to grow in their love and their knowledge of God.  And if that's what I want, I need to get as close to Him as I can to allow Him to do that for me.  Psalm 37:4, "Rejoice in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."   I'm learing that as my heart desires Him...and Him only...that He will then give me that which pleases me as it brings honor to Him...fatherhood.   Be Still?  I won't be idle, but I will relax.  "Relax", He says, "I've got this.  Just sit back and enjoy the ride.  You won't believe how it will all come together!!!"  Actually Lord, I DO believe.  Thank you for giving us the unwarranted priviledge to love your children and to see you at work.