One Step Closer...

Thank You to everyone that has been following our blogs and supporting our journey.  We appreciate each and every one of you more than you could know.  Because of your help and support we are now ready for the next leg of our journey...our first trip.  We will be traveling to Europe before long to meet our child.  What amazing emotions we have right now.  Actually, the last couple weeks have been quite an amazing journey.  In the span of 48 hours we received news that took us from relief, to joy, to unbearable pain, to confusion, to sadness, to ultimate jubilation, to fear and then finally into the arms of Jesus....yes, all that in 48 hours.   On a Monday, we received word that we were receiving a fairly sizeable grant.  This was an amazing answer to prayer.  As we were basking in the joy of receiving the grant, we received some rather disturbing personal news that was quite saddening and confusing.  We went to bed that night not knowing what to feel.  The next morning, we received THE call we've been waiting for....our first travel date information.  The confusion turned to joy and I found myself telling God that we would deal with the other stuff later.  It was just too much right now.  Well, I think the stress of everything got to me as I had a rather scary medical "episode" in the middle of the night on that Tuesday night.  So again, fear crept into those places where we wanted joy to be.   I told a friend that evening, pastor Jerry, that I honestly found myself being afraid to go to sleep.  He called me at bedtime and we prayed together over the phone.  He commanded satan, in the name of Jesus, to back off.  He prayed for calm and for peace, for it is in our fear that satan finds a foot hold.  He helped me to see past all of the "stuff" and simply allow myself to sink into Jesus.  And you know what?  I slept great that night.  I don't think satan is too happy about us following God's commands to care for one of His children.  I believe it is no coincidence that the upsetting news on Monday night and the medical issue on Tuesday night came just when we were receiving the exciting, but anxious, news of moving forward with our adoption.  Satan uses our fears and anxieties.  He seeks for any way he can to throw us off God's path.  Jerry, I am so thankful for your prayers and your assuring words and re-instilling in me the confidence that I have in Christ, knowing that He is bigger than my junk.  He's bigger than this adoption.  He's bigger than I am, and He's bigger than satan. 
      As I write this, I wonder how many of you have felt that same way recently?  Have you allowed fear and doubt to come in?  Maybe you wanted to apply for a new job but you suddenly found that you were questioning your qualifications.   Maybe you put an offer on a new home and now you can't sleep, feeling sick with the thought that you're stretching your income further than you should.  Maybe you or a loved one are in the midst of a medical issue and you're scared...afraid of bad news...afraid of the unknown...afraid of death.  You certainly don't need to have my experiences to have fear raise its ugly head.  But know this...our God reigns.  Period.  I am not fear.  I am not doubt.  I am not anxiety.  I AM a child of God.  I know that I know that I know that my God is the God of all creation and He watches over me.  He calms me.  He gives me the peace that surpasses all understanding and He knows me.  Wow!!!!  
    So this week, I have claimed it.  I claim that which God has supplied, that we are following His will and we are so excited about what this next phase brings.  I have always been a chronic worrier.  Every little thing would become bigger in my mind and I would get sick to my stomach and fear the worst.  My weaknesses seemed to always pull me down.  Well, there's a reason they are called weaknesses, it's because I'm not very good at them.  Someone once told me to concentrate on my strengths and let God handle my weaknesses.  So we are now concentrating on the strength of stepping out in faith and following Him.
    Let me tell you some of the weaknesses that God has handled.  As I said, I'm a worrier.  I most often have worried about finances.  That is probably because I feel a sense of responsibility to provide for my family while knowing in the back of my mind that I made some poor financial decisions in my young adult life and I never want to go back there again.  So with this adoption process, there are financial responsibilities that are bigger than anything I can handle.  Guess what?  God's got it.  We have received grants so far in the amount of nearly $10,000.  We have had fundraisers that I thought (catch that...I thought) would be successful that really weren't what I expected.  And we've had others that I was skeptical about that turned out quite nice.  I think one of the greatest joys is to see how other people have joined in with us on this journey.  I mentioned in an earlier blog that I had a hard time asking for, or accepting, money from others.  Well when God lays it on someone's heart to help bring one of His children to a forever family, you don't stand in the way of their blessing.  We've had tremendous support from so many people.  One wonderful woman has sent us encouraging notes, notes of prayer, stamps, a little money here and there, and then a large sum that she had prayed diligently about and she was so excited to give and be a part of our journey.  Others had given to an organization that offered us a matching grant.  When I called about the amount that had been given so far, they said it was X number of dollars and 45 cents.  Believe me, I want each and every one of you to know that the 45 cents is every bit as important to us as the larger sum of money or as the $10,000 in grants.  They say it takes a village to raise a child and I know that it takes a lot of "45 cents" to raise the funds.  So from the very bottom of our hearts we want to thank you for blessing our family and for bringing us a step closer to having our child. 
    I still have many things swimming in my mind, but I want to leave you with this thought.  Do not let your circumstances dictate anything about who you are.  I know that I fail at that sometimes, but I have to remind myself that I am a child of God.  I am.  For just two very small words they are certainly very powerful.  Jesus said I am the Son of God.  I am the resurrection and the life.  I am the way the truth and the life.  I am the good shepherd.  I am the true vine.  And Jesus said, "most assuredly I say to you, before Abraham was, I am".   Letting go of our fears is not at all easy to do, but can you allow yourself to try to give it over to God?  He'll do amazing things in your life if you just get out of the way and let Him have control.  Can you try?....I am.